Matthew 5:44

I  have been  quiet  for the past  days that  I  had stopped  blogging again ,  it just  didn't give me the urge to  sit and write my  thoughts...

I  thought that  I  had passed all the test or obstacles that  God can shower me  through out my  growing up  LIFE , however I was wrong....

Yes I've been abandoned by SO CALLED FRIENDS who weren't there when I needed them most ... It HURT!

Yes I've been left  behind  by  the so called PRINCE CHARMING  , leaving me and let me hanging like an idiot  ... It HURT  (  it took  time for  me to recover  like Bella when Edward left  her in that  movie Twilight )

Yes losing my  job that  I  dedicated my  self into  for the past  6 years ... It HURT    ( unaware when will  I  recover financially)

 And then my mom diagnosed with Colon Cancer Stage 3 , IT TERRIFIED ME  ( the thought of loosing my  mom  to one of the most  leading form of cancers in the world )

These things  that  came my way ,  made me a stronger person , and just plain test from God.

However my  test  of  FAITH in  God is now in  question  as  my  Family try  to suck it all in one by  one things or circumstances that we all wish is just  a terrible nightmare .

I  want to  be angry

I want to  be mad

I  want to  cuss at people who enjoyed the suffering that  me and my family is going through  now

I  want to ask  the words WHY WHY WHY?

But here's one thing I'm sure of , that  God have  plans  and  have ways to  tell me  that  it will  be alright... that  I  have him  with  me at all  times despite of

the HURT
the PAIN
the AGONY

that I am feeling   the past  weeks and right now  and all I  can do  is FORGIVE.